Passion? No thanks, I'm good.

I am sitting in an airport. I wonder how many of my blog posts start with that sentence. I bet a lot. I spent the past three days at a big sales conference. There were over 1600 people at the meeting. It was insane and bizarre (I am not a salesperson) and I often felt like I was in a live action Saturday Night Live skit or a trippy dream. But, I guess the sales people were motivated. I, on the other hand, kept my bitter and sarcastic comments to myself…mostly.

I have to keep most of my opinions about public education, motivational speakers, Power Point Presentations and hotel food to myself, but I will tell you this, Death by Deck meetings are alive and well in 2011. I barely escaped with my life. Why, oh why, did anyone ever in a million years think Power Point was a good idea?

I do not think I have had sun on my face since Sunday. I have been in a windowless conference room for 3 days being told to Live Big! Follow my Heart! Be Impactful!  I may have developed rickets from lack of Vitamin D. They asked us often what our passion was. In fact, you were supposed to write on your name tag what you were passionate about. I could not think of anything to write. I realized that I am not really passionate about anything. I think maybe I used to be, but now I am not. Now, I find passion to be a bit exhausting and annoying. Think of the people you know who are passionate about something…they are annoying right? They show you pictures on their phones, they tell you long and involved stories; they shake their fists and spew their righteous indignation. They spit when they talk.  

I will leave the passion to those who have the heart for it and I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, taking each day as it comes, trying to be a better human being, trying not to walk away from everything. I will drink my coffee in the morning and do my job. I will kiss my son and walk the dog. I will try to be as kind and loving toward my husband as I want him to be with me. And I will do it again the next day.

I used to be passionate about ideas and values. But now, I just show up and smile.